Words cannot express how truly tired and... emotionless I am. I cried once. In my sleep. Then, my mom, taking pity, gave me some medicine and I was out until my cellphone shrieked in my ear and said it was time for me to get up.

On the way to the airport was hell. Pepper was so terrified of the car, of being locked in a tiny carrier, and trying to resist the medicine we'd given him so his nerves would calm down. He kept staring at me in the darkness, and I swear, if it's true that dogs could cry, I'm sure he was near tears.

Saying goodbye to my brother wasn't easy. I was smiling and I gave him a hug, but inside, every vein and artery in my heart was exploding.

Pepper looked absolutely miserable. I had to hold him through the metal detector thing out of his carrier and he kept shooting me miserable looks and wondering why the hell I am doing this to him. It broke what was left of my heart to shove him back into the carrier.

The plane was the worst of all.

I am terrified of planes. I am terrified of being in the air, away from the ground, away from safety. My mother was very ill, I was worried for Pepper who refused to even look at me. I blasted music in my ears from my iPod for six solid hours and I didn't talk to anyone except my mom because I was worried about her, too.

I had to force myself to eat on the plane though. I was feeling shaky inside, but I thought that eating might calm me down. Bad idea. Pepper sat straight up in the carrier and he stared at me with those dark, pleading eyes. He hadn't eaten anything at all. I hated myself. But when we finally landed in Los Angeles (since bitchy Las Vegas wouldn't allow pets to be taken directly to their airport), mom bought him a hamburger. I opened the flap above his head and gave it to him piece by piece, but the poor boy devoured the whole thing faster than I could have, even if I was as hungry as him.

I practically threw myself at my dad when we got to the gate in Los Angeles. I hadn't seen him in so long, and I felt like, finally, I was safe. I was allowed to take Pepper out of the carrier and hold him. He still was dazed-looking, and he didn't look at me, but he did wag his tail weakly when he saw my dad--he loves him as much as he loves me. Then we endured a five-hour drive through Death Valley and the Mojave Desert. I love the sun, but I hated seeing the empty desert... no grass, nothing...

Other than that, I suppose you could say I'm fine.

I'm on my dad's laptop and not allowed to download anything, so for those of you that I speak with via MSN, you'll have to wait for about a week or so.

Eh, I'll prolly go on a real crying-jag tonight. I guess I owe something for my friends that I left behind.

Love you.